Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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