I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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