You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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