youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dicks are not precious.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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