it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
