my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
