i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
