yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
