This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
