all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
