ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
