it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
