captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
