I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
