so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
this is an emotional support booty call
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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