you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
