so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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