8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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