I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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