idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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