dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
