end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
