cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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