My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
