You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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