i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
