I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
