He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
