Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
