I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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