And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm just crazy horny about you
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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