dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
