My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
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My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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