dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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