Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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