You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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