our cab driver is having phone sex.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
