why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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