He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
