he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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