Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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