I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
