apparently the secret to your success is patron
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize