I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
