those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
