This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
