Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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