Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
