were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
