I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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