Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
