There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
where are my eyebrows?
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