I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
