How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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