I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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