I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
