i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize