Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
