Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
kristin has been a bad kristin
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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