Soap is not a condiment
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize