so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
