while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
