1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
