I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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